Monday, October 27, 2008

I Am Falling in Love With Hillsong...

Probably because my church uses them a lot. This song is amazing...

All for Love - Hillsong

All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgiveIf only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

So True!

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world todayIs Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lipsThen walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

I stole this from Jo. :)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Haven't Written Much Lately...

There is a reason for that. I have come to a place in my life where I have no idea who I am. I mean, I know that our purpose is found in Him, but where does that leave me. Who am I? I see people who may struggle with things, and kinda have no idea what they are doing, but they know who they are. They have things about them that they do, that are unique to them, that when it comes down to it, that is who they are. The more I surround myself with people that can define themselves, the more I become ambiguous. Just kinda empty. I guess that is the best way to describe it. Void of anything important. Again, not in reference to my life, but in reference to me as a person. I am...plain. And I have fought against that for so long. I do that in new cars, in new clothes, in things I can buy, in anything that will make me stand out of at least a minute. And then it is gone, and I am back to just being plain. I don't have anything that defines me. No way to distinguish myself from anyone else. Everything that I do, for the most part at least, has been influenced by the people around me, and you can see that in the way that I change based on the person I have been spending the most time with.

I used to think it was a good thing. To not have a style, to be able to fit in with whatever circumstance or thing was going on around me, but lately it has become more of a burden. If I do not even know how I feel most comfortable...how do I know who I even am?

I don't know...maybe it is just a different form of insecurity. The fear of never being special enough. Never standing out. Regardless, it has been bothering me lately. And yet, the apathetic side of me takes over and doesn't encourage me to change it. Pointless.

Yesterday was three years since James died. Three years. I didn't even remember until this morning. I guess that fits...

Friday, October 3, 2008

Appropriate

"We will all come to the point in our life where we have to admit that we feel defeated, that something has conquered us. We must change, not because we want to, but because we desperately have to. We can not take life in its current suffocating state, even to admit such desperation shows that we are feeling deserted, wandering the barren desert, a shell of our former selves. It is only up from here, it is impossible to sink any lower into ourselves or our circumstances. But we can be salvaged, a deliverance. No vice can stand, no fix can take. The thorn in the side can be removed, but you have to be willing to admit and surrender. Surrender your habits, your lifestyle, your past, your present, and your future. This is your new surrender. The new surrender."

-Stephen Christian